I share my Love...

...of waking up early in the morning, the city is still dark, your home quiet, you alone in the bathroom trying to take a piss, lights off, too lazy to find the switch, standing over your bowl, peeing away, aiming slightly forward not knowing what your hitting, feeling better, still dreaming. You finish, tuck your member away, wipe pee on the towel in front of you and head to bed. Your girlfriend wakes up an hour later to pee. You are now single.

...of being alone in your home, knowing full well that the next few hours are yours before someone comes and disturbs you. You take full advantage of this situation. You go to your computer, open up Itunes and pick your song, No Doubt's "Simple Kind Of Life", then with much excitement you crank your speakers full blast and proceed to dance and sing with the enthusiasm of a child beating up their little brother/sister. You jump, you swing, you pretend your hand is the microphone. Then the song ends. You do it again and again until sweat starts to trikkle down your brow. Forty minutes later, your girlfriend and her mom open the door to your little shenanigans, you don't notice, they stare, they stare, you finally notice, you run to the computer, turn the song off and proceed to act accordingly. "Hey your home, how was shopping and lunch, hi Mrs. Jonsson, etc"... , all of this while you continue to sweat and turn beet red. You are now embaressed.

...being out with your girlfriend, you're at her parents for thanksgiving dinner, you and her many family members are eating dinner, you are having fun, being merry and drinking wine and being sociable. You then notice that particular feeling in your gut, you have to go number 2, really bad, you then notice that the only toilet in the house is right next to the dinner table, you begin to sweat, your heart begins to palpate feverishly, you try to think of a solution, all of sudden a bubble of gas escapes from your bottom, you feel it leave, the tension it brings in your eyes as you hope it doesn't stink, you begin to smile and laugh for no reason, your girlfriend looks at you with a look of "What the fuck is wrong with you", you continue to smile, then her uncle from across the table looks towards you, he smells something fowl, he gives you that look of disgust, you look towards him, disgust written all over you face, you no longer smile. You ask to excused, you leave towards the toilet, close the door and turn on the lights, the pain is excrutiating, you sit, but you still hold it in, slowly you let go. Then it comes, the sounds and smells of what you ate the night before. You stop mid drop, hold you cheeks as hard as you can, your face smothered in a towel, the stench is so powerful, your crying. Twenty minutes later you come out of the toilet, hot and bothered, fully embaressed. You open the door, everyone is staring at you. You want to die.