Over and over again I've racked my head around this simple question. The word itself has quite the simple meaning "to break the fast" usually from a nights sleep. Yet as easy an explanation that is, I still find myself vexed at why everyone I know loves it, especially when dining out for brunch. Constantly I find myself running into people who can't stop raving at "how that brunch was today" or "I wish there was someplace serving breakfast at 6pm". Seriously what's with eating eggs, bacon and toast that has people jumping out of bed. Am I missing something or am I just the only one who thinks eating breakfast and going for brunch, dim sum or whatever else is totally overrated? Having worked in various styles of restaurants over the years, I've come to witness people abounding with joy at the greasy slop of food before them as they guzzle down cup after cup of coffee, which to me I find disgusting, 6 cups of coffee buddy, really you need that much?. Ah I feel my inner Jerry Seinfeld coming out at this very moment. My list of questions is as follows.
Why are breakfast joints commonly associated with greasy spoon diners with cheap, oftentimes awful food?
Why do we accept such a low class of food for breakfast yet rarely associate or look for this style of food for dinner?
Not that breakfast food is bad, I'm not saying that, but where did this joy for brunch with family and the kids come from?
I'll continue on...
Walk anywhere at 12pm on a Sunday morning and you'll see flocks of people hoarding themselves in for brunch, driving servers mad with ridiculous requests. "Um excuse me can I have the Eggs Benny soft poached, repeat very soft poached eggs, hollandaise on the side, with lightly buttered toast, and can I get one piece of bacon and one sausage link, oh and can you dump this coffee? I like it nice and hot" Like fuck me!!! You demanding assholes. And kids, fucking kids, why are you allowed out ever!!!! The next time I have to walk by your little brat as he torments neighbouring tables, yelling at the top of his lungs like this is his playground I'm going to freak out. Freak out!!! Babysit your child Mom and Dad, this is not my job. Ohh I got angry there.
Seriously my opinion on this matter might seem hypocritical seeing as I've dined for brunch many a time, but man oh man do I feel all icky inside when I sit amongst all these people. I feel as if I've been transported to another world when I step in a greasy diner. Take for instance Park Cafe on 20th Street. Up until a few months ago I'd never heard so much about the place, yet recently all I hear is "it makes the best brunch, you gotta go". With quotes like these flowing in front of my girl and I, I knew it would only be a matter of time before she decided to drag me out with some of her friends for a group brunch date.
Vomit.
So there we are, all 4 of us camped out in this dreadfully decored little dump in the worst part of the city. Seriously guys, great choice for a restaurant, don't forget to tip the hookers when you take out the trash. Honestly, there wasn't any other spot available in town except this one? Were you out late one night at the old Barry hotel having a few too many, when it dawned on you that all this street needed was a Breakfast diner. Did you foresee in front of your eyes the dream scenario of liquor store, pawn shop, bum, pawn shop,bum and Breakfast diner. Was it yes, yes we'll take it when the landlord said "$50.00 bucks and its yours, oh and the rats only come out at night" Did you go, yeah we found a winner!!!! Oh I trust the food coming out of this place, oh yeah! *Warning: Sarcasm exclaimer.
I don't get it, people flock to this place and many others, oftentimes with very much the same enthusiasm as a 9th grader would when he's about to see his first boobie (my new favorite word by the way). Now I'm not saying I hate breakfast food, which I don't, I love my eggs and french toast as much as the next guy, for me this deals more with the hysteria surrounding the breakfast dining out. Seriously have you ever been to a Chinese Dim Sum restaurant on a Sunday morning? Fuck me what a mad house, my grandfather (who happened to be Chinese) would drag me and my family out for Dim Sum quite often and wow did I never get it. Sitting there with all this extremely greasy food and tripe (if you've never had it, don't, it's awful. It looks similar to thin pasta, but it ain't, I believe it's either cows or pigs stomach. I could be wrong. Who cares...ick!) as large groups of people would devour every last morsel. To be honest I went with some co-workers a few months ago and I believe that my feelings towards Dim Sum food must have dampened the spirits of everyone that morning, as we began to eat, I believe they all could notice that I found this food awful to which I feel they in turn began to realize that it was awful. It's as if people are in some sort of trance when they wake up, they're so hungry that eating anything will satisfy them, regardless if it's good or not. I believe I have it right on this one, why else would anyone pay $3.50 for breakfast and say it was the best meal they'd ever eaten, yet a few hours later buy a pasta special at Chianti's for $8.50 and complain that it was cheap garbage. Do we really need our coffee that much? Are we that asleep, or am I the only one missing the boat on this one. And yes I don't drink coffee if you wanted to know. Call me Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil, I'm the one trying to kill all you zombie breakfast nuts. Wake up!!!
In the end, it really doesn't matter what I write or say, people are still going to go ape shit over eggs, bacon and toast, all 12 of them, cramped together on a group date, Sunday morning, with their glasses on, strong vodka breath, while they all debate who was the drunkest last night, just as Tyler next to them keeps screaming for Daddy as Mom decides that he doesn't exist since this is her time with Aunt Judy. Oh and that water refill you asked for 15 minutes ago, it ain't coming anytime soon. Since your waiter Jimmy is in the back puking, since he and Larry the cook are still drunk from doing shots of Wild Turkey at Bill's bachelor party last night. Larry has yet to wash his hands.
Yes, oh yes, sunday brunch. Can't wait till next time. Mmm good eats.
later.
ps. I do enjoy toast in the morning, me by myself.
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