Jack: Hurry up bro, we’re gonna be late, and please don’t do your regular routine of putting that oxy shit on your back.
Michael: Hey fuck you, I need to put this shit on, it helps prevent my back from breaking out, plus it only takes 2 seconds
Jack: Ha, fuck that it takes only 2 seconds, it takes you more like 15 minutes as you look at yourself, very homoeroticly I might add, in that mirror of yours as you scrape that shit on your rather lumpy back side, and for the record, it makes you stink, just in case you never noticed. Mmm...the smell of rubbing alcohol with a faint scent of your BO really gets the ladies going...mmm I love it.
Michael: Hey fuck you! Like you’re one to talk you narcissistic fuck, we wouldn’t be running late if you hadn’t taken a 20 minute shower, where you left me no hot water, all the while as you stroke that pretty little face of yours in the mirror, I swear for one you are the most obsessed guy I’ve ever known about his hair. Like seriously if you want the Johnny Depp hair so badly, why you don’t just find out who his agent is, get him or her to introduce you two and then blow him like I know you would. Seriously, who looks at their hair that much, I mean what is it that you have to do in there?
Jack: Hey I at least I look pretty, now hurry the fuck up, we’ve got to go and pick up Yebbie, and we both know that he’s not one to be on time with things, fuck for all we know, he’s still in his boxers, laying there in front of his tv watching some stupid army movie. Anyways, tonight is going to be awesome, I still can’t believe we’re going to see Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, what a fucking trip. So hurry up, I don’t want to be late.
Michael: Well here what jeans should I wear, these diesels or my old American eagle pair?
Jack: Uhh, I don’t know aren’t they both new, I mean you just bought those American Eagle one’s what a month ago.
Michael: No I bought them a month and a half ago and the diesels I bought yesterday.
Jack: Why did you buy those, you have now what 50 pairs of jeans, did you need any new ones, fuck seriously you barely wear any of them
Michael: Hey fuck you I don’t rag on you when you buy your beloved DVD’s, and so what if I buy jeans all the time, it’s my money, and plus half of those jeans are either too big on me or aren’t of the style that I like now.
Jack: You see I told you not to buy all that crap, man you are the worst, you go shopping on your break, you see a pair of jeans for 20 bucks, and so you buy them, then two days later you do the same thing and, then all of a sudden you have a million pairs and no money.
Michael: I don’t have a million pairs loser
Jack: Fuck whatever, you know what I’m trying to say, anyways wear the diesels, they fit you best.
Michael: You think?, I mean I like them but for some reason I think they might be too short.
Jack: Too short, no, fuck it, they look good. Why would you ask me which ones to wear if you already knew which one you liked more, come on man this is boring, Yebbie and a huge party are waiting for us, I just got off work and I’m itching to go out tonight.
Michael: So you think I should wear the diesels?
Jack: Did I stutter before? Yes wear the diesels, I like them more, the other one’s make you look like you have bitch hips.
Michael: Bitch hips! Fuck you, I hate when you say that, I don’t have bitch hips, they may be bigger than yours you puny bitch, but they aren’t bitch hips.
Jack: Okay I’m sorry, but they are big, anyways put a hat on now and let’s boogie, I can’t wait to go out tonight.
Michael: Alright already, I coming, shit you sound like my mom
(Jack and Michael leave Michael’s apartment, they enter Michael’s car and are on their way to pick up Yebbie)
Michael: Hey what should we listen to on the way there?
Jack: Um how about some Black Rebel you nit wit
(Jack puts in Black Rebel’s new album Baby 81)
Michael: Oh! Yeah I guess that would seem appropriate, I can’t believe I’m going to this with you, I haven’t been to a show in fuck how long, what 10 years, ever since you and I went to Edgefest 97’ to see Our Lady Peace. Wasn’t that the night Princess Diana died?
Jack: Yeah I think it was, shit what a loss, man she was fucking hot, I would have fucked her so hard, ah well thems the breaks in life
Michael: I swear you must be alien sometimes, you are human right? Sheesh if only your mother could hear you now.
Jack: What did I say, it’s not like you never thought of it”
Michael: Yeah you may be right, but fuck man the chick died, have some fucking respect.
Jack: I never said I didn’t like her, all I said was that I poke her up that juicy bum of hers
Michael: Quit it, you’re making me sick, anyways, we’re here now, so get out, we’ve got to get that mofo out now.
(Jack and Michael get out of the car; they proceed to Yebbie’s apartment down the street)
Jack: Wow! And to think I was the one who was pleading with you to move your ass back at your place, it’s finally nice to see you care a little about something I want us to enjoy together.
Michael: What? I didn’t hear you.
Jack: Oh never mind, what’s with you today you seem so irritable and distracted.
Michael: I’m just nervous that’s all, I only agreed with you to come because that girl Jessica said she was going, I’m not even that big a fan of Black Rebel’s anyways.
Jack: Why are you so worried, you never get nervous when it comes to girls, shit that’s something I do, man come on you’ll be fine, just be yourself and she’ll dig you.
Michael: Yeah I know, it’s just that I really like this girl, I mean yeah I want to fuck her, but I actually like her as well, it’s weird but we have some sort of chemistry or something.
Jack: Hell I don’t know what you see in that chick, she’s cute don’t get me wrong, but man she’s a little too curvy don’t you think?
Michael: No way, she’s so hot, I love her face and her smile is amazing, I love her glow.
Jack: Whatever gets you going I guess.
Michael: Sorry she’s no waif model girl like Kate Moss for ya, you narcissistic fag.
Jack: Kate Moss is not that skinny, okay well maybe she is, but it’s that blow fiend way about her that get’s me going.
Michael: Gross.
Jack: You know you love it.
to be continued
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