open road

There you are one night, driving along that vast open road. She's there with you as well. You've been waiting for this moment your whole life. The pace of it all as you two drive this open road of life free and clear. She's asleep now, her face nuzzled gently next to yours. She's peaceful now, her eyes are shut, dreams are being had, dreams of you no less. She's what you tried for this day, you've given her all you have, this road is for her. And as you continue, you begin to see why you love this journey, you couldn't see it before, you thought you'd never care, but you never gave up. It's here with her why you love, why you dream, why you laugh, it's the road. The dream was the road, the journey. You suddenly smile, look forward and relax. You put your hand next to hers, it's warm and soft. Silence. You drive on. Hands held softly forever. You never let go. This is your journey. This is your life

old fashioned way for an old fashioned drink

Before I begin, let me describe for you a common dialogue I've encountered quite often recently.
"hello there"
"hey, how's it going"
"what can I get for you"
"well I was thinking of having an old fashioned"
"old fashioned, for sure, that's a great cocktail"
"do you know how to make it?"

Okay so this little event probably occurs a hundred times per day all over the globe. Man or woman enters a bar, they sit, bartender says hello while offering service. Customer then proceeds to order "the" cocktail. Now when I say "the" I mean "the" as in an old fashioned is by far the most respected and talked about cocktail out there. Not to say it's the most commonly known or ordered but it certainly is the most respected. What gets me with this drink of such sublime intrigue is how so many variations have been brought about that generally most customers doubt the abilities of their current bartenders. This I find supremely fascinating in it's scope of public perception. Think about it, when we enter a bar or restaurant naturally we assume our servers, bartenders and kitchen staff have the knowledge and skills to do their respective jobs well. When I order French fries for example I'm assuming that I'll get French fries, I'm not thinking "can they make these"? "Do they know how to make them"? No, it never enters my psyche. Will my french fries differ from establishment to establishment? Sure, but by and large I accept this and know that the basic concept will be the same. Thinly cut potatoes deep fried twice, hot and crispy. Served usually salted and with some sort of side. I know this and so do you.

Now then, here's my question. Why so little trust for the old fashioned? It boggles my mind how much distrust and reluctance is shown towards myriad bartenders everywhere. Are we messing this drink up that much? What this reminds me of is a great Jerry Seinfeld stand up moment where he states that we as a society need to have one stable and constant "Wait! Stop! Do you know what you're doing here" item to question about. During his tirade Mr. Seinfeld goes off on how we generally will disobey every rule possible if allowed, yet stop short when it comes to the phrase "dry clean only" as we'll never take the wrong path here. It's as if we're saying "hey go ahead make that cosmo, I could care less if you use lemon juice or lime juice so long as it looks red I'll drink it. However, don't you dare make my old fashioned with soda".

Seriously are we this neurotic towards a cocktail, let alone one with the word "old" in it's name? Ladies! Gentlemen! I implore you to help me out here for I'm at a loss as to this bizarre calamity. I've tried to rack my head around this one and well here's my best assumption. An old fashioned cocktail for us as consumers and bar patrons represents our last purely strong and original moment where everything at one time made sense. It reminds us of our past, our grandpas, warm summer nights, firelight, men in suits, cigars and a class of superiority. And with that we've deemed an old fashioned our staple of how things were and how they should remain same. We use an old fashioned as our standard, that we can change anything but this one; it's a staple, a classic like Marlon Brando and James Deen. It exists in our consiousness a certain way and it'll never change. And with that I and thousands of other bartenders around the world will continue to feel the pressure to deliver the goods with this classic cocktail.

I for one am prepared, are you?

Later.

Ps. Here's how I make mine.

Begin with a rocks glass
1 sugar cube
1 orange peel
a couple dashes of bitters
mash and muddle until the sugar coats the entire glass

then fill glass with ice
add 2oz bourbon
add splash of water
add another orange peel
stir and garnish with a cherry

yum!!! :)

Time won't save our souls

I'll be standing with your sorrow
I may never be here again
don't you feel alone
you'll never be close again

will you lay me down
will you jump with me
I want to run
I won't walk
let's dance alone
and never let them pass

I cast away this night
I return the evening to you
but I can't run
I won't walk
and I'll never let my heart stop

stay, stay, stay
am I not enough?

You try so hard to not hurt
I'll give you all that I have
i said I won't let go
I will run
I won't walk
I'm saying goodbye
as we'll never talk

nothing feels the same
who knows if I'll see you again
who knows if I'll see you again

Nightmare

You're standing there,
all alone
wondering where it will come from

that sense of an illussion
you can't escape it
it seems so cruel

but then you appear
put a hand to mine
pull me close
and whisper

"come with me"

I am now awake...

Love won't shower on anything at all

So many pieces fall away as I try for you
I can see it in your eyes
you beset your soul from mine
now I'm not sane and safe
I reach and hope you'll one day be there
bad blood feelings dwell within
don't say you're sorry
don't say anything
just be

but I know that you're confused and afraid
I don't want to be tough
I want you to not fear
come close here
I don't wanna give up tomorrow
I just can't understand why I go on
I wanna be saved
I wanna be saved

"pardon me, but do you have any grey poupon?"

Okay so yesterday was my day off, my first in what felt like years. Typically on these days I try my damdest to be productive in some way. I want to emphasize the "try" because it doesn't always end up that way but hey at least I'm optimistic. Anyway...since I wasn't hung over I spent yesterday making and hanging some art pieces for my little castle. One of my closest friends had the priviledge of staying with me last week and well she kind of suggested I put some love and tlc into my little dwelling as to her it seemed rather empty and lacking in character. Not taking her criticsm to heart I felt compelled to do something about it.

As the day progressed the whole process actually gave me a sense of pride and joy, especially since all that was going up was of my creation. Originally I wanted to buy and put up some wicked stuff but I could never find anything I liked so I just figured fuck it I'll make my own shit. Now I'll be the first to say that I'm no artist by any stretch, I've never painted and what little drawing I've done in the past was of nothing to brag about, however, this wasn't going to deter me. I was excited to fuck up and have some fun. So then there I am last night hanging some stuff when in the distance of my neighbouring apartment I hear " she's a babe! Shwing!!! ", which could only have come from one of the best early 90's comedies ever Wayne's World. Why I'm bringing this up is this, one, I haven't seen this movie in ages and boy does it bring back some amazing memories. My favorite being my older sis and I singing Queen's "bohemian rhapsody" full tilt while driving to school. Epic!!! And secondly, how it totally captures the fun and exuberent youth culture of that time period so flawlessly. The humour and sheer comic genius of Mike Myers and Dana Carvey can't be ignored or forgotten. After hearing my neighbours quote I quickly ran to my tube box and found the show at the best point ever. I must point out how awesome that is, to turn on ones tv randomly and land on the best part of the show couldn't get any better. It's like going to the club and meeting the girl of your dreams and having her make out with you immediately. You can't plan it, you just hope for it and when it happens nothing is better.
** side note... That's actually happened to me before, thought I'd brag a little (hehe)

where was I? Oh yeah..In this case I landed on the moment where Wayne is introducing himself to Tia Carere's character after she's just kicked ass with some punk kids in the audience. His line is priceless "Rough night huh? Everybodies Kung Fu fighting!" omg!!!! Gold baby, that's gold! (now if you've never seen this movie then you might not get the awkwardness felt here, let's just say she's Asian and leave it at that). Anyways, after landing on that moment I was hooked, canvas hanging could wait, my inner juvenile wanted more. May I remind you that I'm now 30, an awkward age I must declare. You're no longer young and in your dumb 20's which is good but you're also
neither old enough to have any sense of life validation or achievement, hence limbo zone. 30 to me is the age where you wake the heck up and go "oh shit!, I better make something of myself or I'm fucked". It's weird how social pressures to being something or someone have rendered my generation a group of either over achievers who work hard or somehow luck out or a group (most of us) who under achieve miserably wherein we either give up or have babies. Lately I know so many couples having kids at merely some desperate attempt to fill their lives with something, it's like they're saying "well my life sucks, maybe if I have a kid I can make theirs better". Which I guess is a noble idea, but then there it is, you see what I mean your 30's are fucked, they either cause you to panic and freak out about how fast life is moving or how crummy your life really is.

ANYWAY..... Wayne's World is gold. I spent the rest of my night wanting and dreaming of being Wayne Campbell. From his awesome torn jeans and black t outfit to his quick comic wit, his life seemed so fun and carefree. I mean who could pass up a night of the boys singing to queen in the mirth mobile while calling Meatloaf "tiny" to having the "you're mental" Lara Flynn Boyle as my ex girlfriend. Wayne had it all, even the grey poupon and the "exsqueeze me? Baking powder?".

"Yes oh yes, it will be mine, oh yes it will"

anyways, art, red wine and Wayne, not a bad night off I must say. NOT!

Ps. To all my baby having friends out there. Kidding!!!! I love you. :)

unfinished business

If you had to deliver to someone the facts and events of your past what would you give them? One's life has so many perilous actions that choosing even a few would seem rather mute. To say the least it would require a mind unfettered by personal convictions and human judgements. I sit here in this cell contemplating these thoughts because I want others to know my story and the tragedy that it's now become. As it stands now, I have exactly 30 days to live before my execution. Fear cripples at my soul every time I think of it, to know one's day of death is a difficult thing to comprehend, let alone accept. This fear I have has helped me purify my soul and open my heart. I now understand what life truly can be when you let it exact it's purpose upon your soul. I have so many thougths pouring through my mind daily that it's made me want speak of fortunes I once squandered and troubles I once created. The subject you are about to read is my life in its entirety, frame by frame as I remember it, un edited, and full of events good and bad. I urge you to read and learn from my life, to
grow and listen to my heart as it will invariably fall into your hands. As it stands now I fully engage your hearts to understanding mine.

Sincerely,

Samuel French
inmate 647183
october 29th, 2006